Easter Weekend!

Long weekends are great. It gives you the time off you long for and is a chance to set new memories. But it can also give you too much time to think. More on that in a bit.

Caz knew he had to do some overtime at some point on the long weekend. The power was being switched off in one of the buildings at work. So to save the servers from kicking up errors or not being happy he would have to switch them off properly before the power went off and boot them up once the electricity was on again. It is probably only an hour of work and an hour of driving to and from the site but it can still potentially put a dampener on the weekend. Luckily though he was able to stay late on Thursday to switch things off. Plan is to put everything back on at 5pm on Monday ready for everyone coming in on Tuesday after the bank holiday. Looks like a lucky escape and we will have maximum time off to spend together doing nice things.

Friday

On the Friday we decided to visit our new house to see how the progress was panning out. We have quite a few decisions coming up soon about where to put light switches, sockets and other aspects. We will have to work out the layout for all the rooms to make sure we factor in enough plugs. Like will I be charging my phone by the side of the bed or maybe in the kitchen on the breakfast bar? Lots of little things to think about!

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For whatever reason we both found today quite draining and had a to have a nap in the afternoon! We have been quite busy lately with work and the house. When building a house you can’t ever really switch off. There are always bills to pay and decisions to make. Not that I’m not grateful for this opportunity, but I will be glad once it is over and I can think of nothing at all!

Saturday

Last year we went to a food, drink & lifestyle festival in Chester. When we heard it was on again this year at the Racecourse we booked ‘early bird’ tickets and couldn’t wait to go there!
http://chesterfoodanddrink.co.uk/
Due to pre-booking tickets, we were given preferential treatment and showed to a tarmacked area for parking. It had been quite wet for the last few days so any grass parking would have been pretty boggy. From what I understand though other visitors were being pointed in the direction of the nearest large car park and that the festival had stumped up the cost.

We had left home pretty early so I wanted breakfast!
First stop – I love crepes! We both had Nutella and banana crepes. Yummy!

Then we perused all the stalls, stands and marquees.
A lot of the vendors had such pretty and colourful products

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It can be a little difficult being a vegetarian at festivals. What can you eat?! There was pulled pork, sausages, burgers, meatballs… I was starting to feel I would have to go hungry! But then I came across a cute little Citroen Van with a wood burner installed which was selling fresh pizza! I always try and go for something a little different to what I normally would and had a garlic oil as the base (instead of tomato base) and cheese, wild mushrooms and wild garlic. It was really yummy and I don’t actually know how I wolfed it all down!
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There were also demonstrations by various celebrity and well known chefs. One of them was Simon Rimmer. I caught a sly shot of him in the picture above!
We went away with quite a lot of goodies! Cheese and onion twist, berry Danish pastry, cheesy loaf of bread, a selection of macaroons, brownies, cocoa flavoured popcorn, some very spicy veggie things, pies and some meat for Caz.
We also got a really lovely big serving bowl and a glass dragonfly ornament.

On our way back Caz had an appointment to test drive a Toyota Avensis. I was full of excitement about this prospect. Not. I generally see Toyotas as just boxes to get from A to B. Nothing interesting or unique about them. They just blend in and are silver 90% of the time.
Well, we spotted it and it was a really lovely dark grey. I don’t know why, but I’ve always had a hankering towards a charcoal colour car. There is just something so classy and simple about it. We got in and I didn’t instantly fall asleep from boredom. It had a build in sat nav and rather funky sound system and the dashboard wasn’t made of recycled bin lids. It actually felt well made and designed with a bit of thought behind it.
We would be selling Caz’s current ‘commuter car’ to buy this – a Toyota Yaris.

We had such a lovely day out and about today so what I’m about to say makes me feel incredibly guilty. I feel rubbish. It is like the black cloud has just come over me and is trying to absorb me. I just don’t know how to shake it. My normal tricks to try and get out of this rut just aren’t even helping to take the edge off today. It feels like you are a bystander to your own life. You are there but aren’t partaking in anything that is going on. You don’t have input as to how you feel. You desperately don’t want to feel this way but don’t know how to get out of this zone. I end up mutely just holding myself while the world continues around me.

I think sometimes my mind needs a rest as much as my body does. When you have had to be strong for a while and keep going even though you just want to sit down cry can really leave you feeling drained. I should have at some point in this last week put my hands up at work and said I’m swamped, can someone give me a hand. But I didn’t. I just battled on regardless. I’m getting better at asking for help but for whatever reason I didn’t on this occasion. A combination of my colleague preparing to be off the following week, a couple difficult tasks from a client who doesn’t know the meaning of manners and just being pretty busy!

Late in the evening Caz said he was going to bed and did I want to go to. I said no. This was a mistake. I ended up searching for the most painless ways of killing myself. Apparently there isn’t really. Luckily the website I stumbled upon had a lot of advice. Talk to someone. Wait at least 3 days before carrying out any potential life ending plans.
http://lostallhope.com/

It isn’t that anything has gone catastrophically wrong but just I’ve felt so low and anxious for like a month now without any let up. I hear time and time again that depression is a treatable illness. But my experience of it is that it is never-ending and there is no way out. All I want is a brief rest-bite from this and to have a glimmer of hope and happiness for the future. I have been there, done that with counselling. It helped to a certain degree but I got to a point where it was more a nuisance than a help. I exercise, eat healthy, have a few hobbies and try and sound out my thoughts but I’ve been struggling with an inner voice that just won’t leave me alone. I don’t know if I should go back to my GP and ask about medications. I just want to find something to ease this.

Sunday

Sunday is probably going to be quite a lazy day. Besides, I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything.

We sat in front of the TV and watched the first race of the season for British Touring cars. There have been lots of team changes, new faces, old faces, sponsor changes and different cars. I sat proudly wearing my Pirtek Tshirt and Fleece in support of Andrew Jordan now he has moved to MG from Honda.
We only got around to watching race 1 and 2 of the BTCC but it was such good fun! We shout at the telly at dodgy overtakes and cheer when our favourite teams or individuals win.

I mentioned about Caz potentially thinking about buying this car we test drove yesterday. Well, to afford the car we would probably have to sell the Scooby too. It would be a very reluctant sale on Caz’s part. We bought it in 2011 and it has been so good to us. Nothing has ever gone wrong on it or even hinted at wanting to fail. It is just such a good car! So fast too! I would desperately miss it too. I just feel so cool when driving it! But we have had it for quite a few years now and it is perhaps the time for Caz to try something new.

Well Caz ended up removing the fun decals we had put on the Subaru and then I gave it a good clean.
We took it up to an interesting spot and took the pictures for the ads.
If you want to share the link go ahead or if you know anyone that might be interested please let me know!

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http://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/subaru/impreza-sti/subaru-impreza-wrx-sti-type-uk-widetrack-dccd/3881863

Monday

In a way, I feel I’ve not made the most of my long weekend.
Yes, we went to the Food & Drink festival but that is about it on the list of what I achieved.

So we booked tickets to go to the cinema to see the long awaited Fast & Furious 7.
I was curious as to how they would handle the fact that one of the main actors – Paul Walker – died during the filming. Without giving too much away, basically this film is a direct follow on from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (and we had a bit of a recap to Fast & Furious 6). The brother of one of the bad guys that the crew defeated is back to get revenge. They travel across a lot of the globe trying to stop the guy and use a load of technology to help them. They just don’t want to end up going to any more funerals for their crew members. Will they manage it?!
At the end is a montage in tribute to Paul Walker. There can’t have been a dry eye in the house after that. Too many feels.

I actually really enjoyed seeing the movie. Really Fast & Furious is a big budget film franchise with rubbish plots. But boy do Caz and I love it! We have seen all the movies together now and is just one of those funny traditions we will always do – go and see these crappy movies!

As it was a nice day, we decided to go out for lunch. We went to a local Water gardens that has a Dutch Pancake house attached. The restaurant was full when we arrived but they put our name down and told us to come back in a bit. We walked around the fishing lake, taking in the views and scenery as well as saying hello to the ducks and chickens that live at the water gardens.

What a view!

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Easter themed pancake!
I was sooo full afterwards!

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There are also tropical fish and other critters you can look at and purchase at the water gardens. They have reptiles and creepy crawlies too!

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When we got back home we had enough time to relax in the garden with a cup of tea before Caz had to go to work to finish his task of turning all the servers back on.

While he was gone I had cheese on toast for tea and decided to watch more of The Rock (you can never have enough of The Rock). I settled on watching Pain & Gain on netflix.
Based on a true story, 3 body builders decide that they deserve more. They kidnap and rob one of the clients at their gym and then realise they can’t just free him afterwards so they set about trying to kill him. They then decide that they didn’t get enough from that plan so want to do it again and accidentally kill two people. Their ways finally catch up with them and they get their comeuppance.
When the film finished I wasn’t sure if it was good or dire! It was meant to be a black comedy but felt like a bit of an endurance… It was over 2 hours! It had a pretty big cast in it with Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson and Ed Harris in it but for me that wasn’t enough. I often find these more dark tales fascinating and often watch documentaries taking a look into the minds of serial killers. But I think comedy wasn’t the way this film should have been portrayed. There has to be some respect and dignity towards the victims and that just wasn’t captured at all in this film.

This has been a long post! But then I guess I did quite a lot over the last 4 days.

I had better get an early night before work again tomorrow.
Today has been a better day but I never want to take these things for granted as I don’t know how fleeting these good moments might be.

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